Our guests had just finished their tea, when an angry Captain Neptune and his cronies made his appearance on the pool side deck of the Caledonian Star. Two very ugly and aggressive female pirates harassed us, and when King Neptune hollered for Davey Jones, he came out of the pool dressed in plastic seaweed. Neptune, with help from the ship's doctor, a lovely mermaid and his pirate team cleansed the ship and gave us permission to proceed across the Equator. Captain Saeterskog was the first to be washed, forced to kiss a flounder, and drink an evil brew before being thrown into Davey's locker - the ship's pool. Several guests and crew victims were also "disinfected" (it was only egg whites that Neptune piled on their heads) and tossed into the pool.

The certificate below has been presented to everyone on board, and maybe, just maybe, it will be enough to save those of us who now have proof that we have crossed the equator by sea, from ever being hassled by King Neptune again!

Text: Lynn Fowler, Naturalist; Photo: Sjon Johnson, Video Chronicler

From the Realm of King Neptune, Lord of the Seas
Let it be known to all,
Seafarers and Landlubbers alike,
That on the 28th day of March
of the year Two Thousand and One
Sjon Johnson
Did cross Latitude 00°00.0',
That significant geographic parallel that separates
the Northern and Southern Hemispheres of the globe.
Let it also be noted that this act occurred (backwards!)
aboard the M.S. Caledonian Star, bound for Colon, Panama.
All aboard the vessel having been duly inspected,
cleansed as necessary, and found worthy
by ourselves and our staff of loyal retainers,
the above-named is hereby deemed a Trusty Shellback
and is welcomed into the
Most Solemn and Ancient Order of the Deep,
with all the rights and privileges attendant thereto.